What If...

I have been thinking about the What If question and decided to approach it slightly differently. I want to explore the question of major key points or turning points in my life...and what if they didn't happen?

So here goes:

1. What if my mother had backbone?
2. What if I hadn't been raised a Mormon?
3. What if I didn't believe in the Mormon concept of God?
4. (and a corollary) What if I still believed in God?
5. What if my intelligence and talents had been nurtured?
6. What if Rachel had never said, "You call that a swing? That's stiff as a board!"
7. What if I had won my freshman class secretary election?
8. What if my cousin, Patricia, had never shown me where middle C was on the piano?
9. What if my grandmother hadn't compared my slow physical development with my curvaceous cousin?
10. What if I didn't have a prominent birthmark on my face?
11. What if I had never met Laura?
12. What if my dad had made $500 a year less, which would have put us in the poor category?
13. What if my dad had made enough money to let us have extra-curricular lessons?
14. What if I didn't play the piano for my friend at Church?
15. What if I had been given the role of Mona Lisa in high school?
16. What if I had won the Key Club elections?
17. What if I hadn't won the speech contest?
18. What if I didn't hear a voice telling me to "Go on a mission?"
19. What if god didn't abandon me while on my mission?
20. What if I abandoned god right after he abandoned me instead of waiting 20 years?
21. What if my self-worth was not caught up in god's love for me?
22. What if I never married Terry?
23. What if I never had children?
24. What if my daughter never died?
25. What if I never moved to Indianapolis?
26. What if I had never met Deidre?
27. What if I had not read the book that gave me the Aha! that there is no god...at least not the way it is taught in Western religion (please, no religion comments...this is my perspective--I realize this and not everyone agrees and I accept that...the point of this blog entry is to explore my turning points and this is the most significant turning point for me.)
28. What if I chose not to go down the rabbit hole?
29. What if Deidre were still my friend?
30. What if I hadn't met Ken Wilbur, Joseph Campbell, Carolyn Myss, or Jean Houston?
31. What if I didn't get my undergraduate degree in General Studies with a strong humanities emphasis?
32. What if I didn't reside in the Underworld?
33. What if I didn't discover art?
34. or more precisely, what if art didn't discover me?
35. What if I didn't act on the whim to take N180 with Beth as the instructor?
36. What if I never met Alan?
37. What if Beth hadn't broken her finger?
38. What if I had never met Mark?
39. What if I hadn't had a gallbladder attack on Christmas Eve?
40. What if I chose to remain in the Underworld with my demons?
41. What if I chose not to honor my next Aha! and enroll in the master's program of Media Arts and Science? (I almost didn't)
42. What if I had never met Mitch?
43. What if I didn't spill red wine on white upholstery?
44. What if I didn't try to work things out first when presented with a difficult situation?
45. What if I actually earned an A- instead of the grade I was given?

And I will end it here because I'm as up-to-date as I can be. Believe it or not, that last question has totally redefined me to myself and is the most recent major life changing event and one that I will always honor. Most of what I have written has meaning mostly to me and I apologize for that because I know it makes for boring reading. But some of my questions are so personal and the story behind them is too involved.