I'm paid hourly, but I don't care. I log 40 hours a week even though I do more. I've been asked to be more conscientious of my time and not to overdo it. But I don't know what else I would do.
A huge part of who I am lies in giving. If I truly enjoy someone or something, I will do almost anything for them/it. It's very selfish, this giving thing. I give because I love how I feel, I love DOING something for someone or something I like. The giving is the reward. It's essential to who I am. It feeds me.
Starting Monday, the School of Informatics will be going to the TIME system of keeping track of work hours. I didn't understand what that meant until we had a training meeting (the most pathetic training meeting I've ever attended, btw).
During that meeting I realized that I now have to clock in and out and that I can't clock more than 40 hours a week.
The longer I sat there, the angrier I got. After the meeting I ended up in tears (and I still feel angry and end up in tears...even as I write this).
This is what I'm trying to sort out. Why am I so angry? Why do I feel like I've been slugged in the gut?
I want to say it's because I feel like what I have given freely has been rejected. But is that it? I feel restrained, constricted, chained.
It truly irritates me that I now have to watch the clock. I can't log in more than 40 hours and I have to keep track on a daily basis how much time I'm logging in. And what's worse, I have only a six minute time frame at the end of the week to "catch" my 40 hours. IUPUI pays in six minute increments.
This is a disaster.
I am so afraid that what I used to love doing will now become a chore because restrictions have been placed on it.
I hate restrictions when it comes to something I love.
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