Public Vulnerability

Photo of Dezra taken at MacNiven's. How I want the public to see me--reflected through three sets of glass and reversed in a mirror. Safe.

I sent this post to a friend:

Aaaaaack! I just joined Facebook. I hate it! I hate it! I feel exposed and vulnerable.

So why did I join? Damn it! I'm a New Media grad student. I should understand these kinds of things. I should be up on this type of stuff.

Ick.

I just want to go wrap myself up in a blanket and hide in a closet.

But I figure if Beth H. can do it, then I can. She said that she thought she should be connected to the students using current technology, so that's why she joined. She has approached it professionally, which is the only way I'll approach it.

But I hate being "out there" where I'm on display to people I don't know. Gaaack! God, I can't believe what I've done to myself. I have a blog...that I don't advertise, but I keep it current. I have a photo account on Flickr, that I don't advertise but I keep it current. (And I was pinged on that one within minutes of uploading a specific photo...someone wanted to add it to his Flickr account...and I said YES...ugh, can you believe this???? After that guy pinged me, I had to go for a walk...I hated how I felt...exposed and vulnerable.) And now I'm on Facebook. I feel like I've set myself up to be invaded.

I hate it.

And I will probably join Second Life, which I abhor on so many levels.

But I can't get past the fact that this is our life and culture currently and if I'm to be part of it, I need to understand it. And if I'm in New Media, I should understand the new media social life. I have lived so long on past traditions, never being the one to embrace what is current. I don't want to do that anymore. I want to be forward-thinking and -living. Sigh.

So I've put myself out there in cyberspace where anyone and everyone can see me. I just need to make sure that what they see doesn't truly invade my privacy.

-d